Sheryl Sandberg mentioned the Tiara Syndrome in her handbook Lean In, that offers instruction for the next generation. The syndrome describes how many women keep their head down, deliver excellent work and hope that the right people will notice it – and place a tiara on their head. Of course, this can happen, but it is not very likely. And Hope is not a good strategy!
Fact is, that women have to negotiate for things their male colleagues can often take for granted. The workplace is not yet equal for women. It is naïve to think that delivering excellent results is everything it takes to succeed at work.
Society trains us already in primary school, that quiet, hard workers are those most likely to prosper. Teachers reward those qualities, and we tend to expect our eventual bosses will do too. It is frustrating to enter the working world and to realize that this engrained lesson is often incorrect.
In order to really be successful at work, women need to negotiate not only their compensation, but also for high visibility assignments, the resources they need to get the job done, support from those senior in the organization and buy-in from colleagues. Also in their personal lives, they need to negotiate for the things that will enable them to be successful in the workplace.
While both men and women are vulnerable to supervisors overlooking their hard work, women are more often negatively impacted, because it is generally seen as more acceptable for men to talk about their accomplishments. For women it may be seen as bragging, and bragging women can be punished. The only way around the stereotype is to find a way to draw attention to your endeavors.
One way to do this is to give the boss more frequent updates, while being sure to put accomplishments in context. It can be just a quick email that explains the recent wins and how they helped the team and the company. Frequency and word choice matter. It should not be too often, too, of course. Nobody wants to hear this every day. Framing is important too. A boss might find it weird to get an unasked-for update praising yourself, but a check-in or a way to keep them in the loop might make more sense.
However, in most offices, proven ability alone isn’t enough to help you get ahead at work. You need to be also memorable and likeable. If you want to have impact, people need to trust and believe in you. Therefore, to climb the ladder, it is necessary to be a good worker, and also to be a politician.
People need to like you, the ones at your level, the ones below you and the ones above you. People who are liked get better ratings, even if their work is the same. This is the unfair truth: Colleagues that may have the exact same skills and work ethic but spent more time making friends will look better at their jobs.
With some basic tactics however, you can easily make yourself more likeable at work. Simply pay attention to your colleagues. It is important to connect with people. Talk about hobbies or shared interests. This may require a little reorganization of priorities for those who focus more on their to do list over socializing. But it may well pay off.
