Experts say that increased exposure to parents working can have downsides for the children’s development and on how a child perceive the role of a job in a parent’s life. But there may be upsides too, and things parents can do to amplify the positive sides over the negative ones.
Parents have worked in front of their children for centuries. But as the pandemic has led to an altered way of working with remote and hybrid set-ups for many employees, some parents – especially knowledge-workers – are finding their work habits increasingly on display in front of their children. Research has shown that parents’ attitudes towards work can influence a child’s relationship with how they work in the future and how they develop.
A study from 2017 of the ESSEC Business School published findings on whether children imitate their parents’ work habits in the future. They found that a substantial number of workers mimicked the patterns of their parents, whether consciously or subconsciously.
Research from the Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania showed children often suffered emotionally when their fathers particularly were very engaged in their careers. Fathers’ split attention due to engagement with their devices also had adverse emotional and physical impacts.
These studies were conducted before the pandemic changed many workers habits. Now that parents are working in front of children more, due to remote work set-ups, these effects could be intensified.
When kids see a parent work, they may believe that they are doing other tasks with people who matter more. Parents are taking the most precious asset, which is their attention, and they are diverting it from the most important person in the world. The kids feel it. Especially young children may experience consequences when parents are psychologically removed from family life while being physically present.
Electronic devices can be quite absorbing. Children who crave attention can have negative emotional reactions when parents stay away to answer emails. It translates to them that they are not as important to the parents right now as their work, which can be very harmful.
Boundaries between work and family life can get very chaotic. This situation can get stressful for both the children and the parents. Some parents may be present physically, but not mentally. When parents have negative interactions to work in front of children, kids may feel like they are the source of distress. Seeing parents anxious or stressed, may lead the children to become confused and worried about the cause. They can start feeling insecure.
These effects are stronger with mothers than with fathers. Due to the ingrained expectation that generally women do more housework and care for children, the children expect them to be available. Even though some fathers became more engaged at home due to remote working, it is generally more accepted for men to draw hard lines in which they are not providing attention to children. But fathers still have significant influence on how work affects family relationships.
Working in front of children can also have positive effects on a child’s development. Although it can be harmful for children when the display of emotion towards work is negative, it can also happen the other way around. When children observe parents engaging positively with work, using the workplace to display their values, it can influence how children form their relationships with work in the future. Over time, these observations can be significant.
With the rise of remote and hybrid work set-ups, work has become more flexible. This comes with an upside. Working parents can be present for lunch, attend an event or give children a snack when they are hungry. Parents can be involved in a child’s life, even when they are also working.
It can help to create rules and routines around space and time when parents and children are together. Designating a physical space for work where Mommy is not available can help children understand.
Creating boundaries around device use after a certain time is very important for children to know that at some point of the day their parents’ full attention is to the children.
Routines put in place the structures that mimic the hard boundaries between work and care that kids were used to when their parents went to work in the office. Parents also need to initiate conversations about these changes and new behaviors, even if their children seem too young to understand these environmental changes. It is important to explain to the children about the different types of work they do, what attention it involves and why it is valuable and important what they do. Even if the only reason to work is to make money for the family, it is important to explain to the kids why the parents do the job and that they enjoy feeding the family. For children of all ages, parents should communicate why they make short- and long-term decisions about work. Even if the just need to explain that they should play quietly because they are in an important meeting.
Many parents are finding different and healthier ways around how to deal with their work due to new working set-ups. These new approaches around work can have positive effects on how their children will see work in their future. Work-life-balance has been given a completely new dimension.
Ultimately, it doesn’t matter whether parents are at home or in the office – children mimic their caretakers’ attitudes and actions, and this will shape who the children become in the future and how their relationships with work will be. Communication and boundaries are important in every set-up, and they have to be amended on every family’s environment.
